You know, I’m always wondering. Wondering how those celebrities have that fit body all the time. Wondering how some girls maintain themselves so well. Wondering how that class topper always topped but never wrote notes.Wondering how that mom of two kids can smile so wide and have a glow. As I observe people from different walks of life, I wonder :How do they do it? and Why can’t i?
There was a time when I tried to commit to a workout schedule and could maintain it for a mere 9 days and then gave up. There were other times when I gave myself a second chance and began from where I left and was able to complete 30 days of rigorous workout. This shift in commitment was because I got worked up with other sorts of work/commitment/excuses and college soon started and I was unable to balance all these commitments together.
I’ve probably made a list of many things that I wanted to strictly follow and pursue them. Most I’ve left halfway. I ended up hating myself for showing no commitment or discipline in anything and that discouraged me. I even thought this attitude affected my blogging. These kind of failures affect people a lot and in my case my blogging was paused for a while. I was inspiration-less for quite some time. I had so many things that I wanted to learn but I achieved only a few and entered a phase where I thought I will never be able to accomplish at the rate I was going.
But at one point while I wasn’t working on anything, I was reading a lot of articles about how people my age struggle to meet goals, expectations etc and that discourages them to continue. And all these articles preached one thing that was common: you don’t have to be so perfect and have it all planned. Time will lead your heart and mind to the right place. All that matters is that you work on something, like anything that fascinates you and one thing might lead to another.
Keeping this thought in mind, I gave a shot at my first non-technical internship that allowed me to connect with people as clients and work on my persuasive skills keeping in mind work ethics which proved more sensible in practise than in paper(we had a subject on ethics) and speaking up for myself. I finally felt a sense of authority on my own life. I have to admit it doesn’t happen at one go. I was stagnant, resistive, lazy and overtly day-dreaming about conquering my inabilities some days. Somewhere in between dreaming and doing, I was learning. I learnt to not target only perfection but progress. I focussed on what the present taught me than what I wanted to be in the future.
I am not going to say something phenomenal happened during this phase, but it was an experience worth having. My thoughts, perspective and attitude to people and situations evolved. I don’t feel like the person I was a few months ago, not to say I feel like a great version, but defintely an evolved one.
Yup. I guess Evolved is the word of the hour for me. From struggling to better at commitment to being able to scratch off some items off my ‘To-do list’ I’ve learnt and unlearnt some habits and lessons but I’m still on my way to getting where I really need to be.
This took a lot of stress off my mind because I get all worked up when I don’t have a plan in my life. Not saying you should just chill and wait for the moment to knock your head but get curious, learn anything new or fascinating, experience the good and the bad and learn to have your own opinion. Basically aim for progress rather than perfection. And when you do so, everything will make ‘perfect’ sense.
This new wisdom helped me evolve a lot and now I’m not so easily discouraged. You are what you go through and your story sounds interesting with all kinds of ingredients. So try not being too hard on yourself and give yourself a breather. No one can be perfect and needn’t be either. Just be unique.
Journey on a Breath of Words 